A Piece of Me

I have had this blog post on my heart now for a couple of weeks, but I’ve been a bit nervous to share as it will be one of the more controversial and most revealing posts I think I will ever write for this blog. I hope that before you continue reading that you ask God to show you the truth about this message.

Everywhere we look people are having sex. On tv, in the movies, it’s all around us. Especially as we get older, I’ve learned from my single friends that people expect sex after just a few dates. I’ve even had a pastor ask me “Why would God create something so great and then tell us that we can’t have it”?

I believe a lot of the choices we make come down to what our perception of sin and God’s word is. Religion often tells us that sin means that you’re in or your out.

Sin, and God will want nothing to do with you, but act perfectly (which is beyond impossible) and you’ll be OK. But I don’t believe sin has anything to do with your salvation, but rather I believe sin is actually a form of God showing His love for us. Whenever I read either a commandment or a law that God provides, I’ve learned that it isn’t there to hurt us or make us suffer, it is to keep us safe. It’s about having the best life that we can possibly have. I know that my life is a lot better when I abide by His recommendations, as opposed to when I don’t. Therefore, I am happier, and my life is more at peace. Life is just easier.

Which leads me back to the main message behind this post. Our culture tells us that having sex outside of marriage is completely acceptable. So why then does God warn us against this? Why is it considered a sin? I believe He is giving this command to us, not to keep us from enjoying our lives, but to keep us from harm. I believe, without a shadow of doubt that if I hadn’t of had sex outside of marriage that I wouldn’t have been abused; that my life would have taken a very different path and that I could have avoided a great deal of heartache and pain.

Sex took away my objectivity. I am someone that loves deeply, and once that boundary was crossed, and the intimacy took place, I put up with behaviors and actions that I don’t believe I would have otherwise. You see, we often only look at sex from a physical stand point, however, there is also a spiritual component to it. When we have sex with someone, the bible says that the two become one. I don’t believe that He is referring to the act itself, but the connection that occurs on a spiritual level. Have you ever noticed how even years later, you can still conjure up emotions for an old love? Have you ever stayed longer in a relationship that you would have liked? Did you put up with more than you should have? I know that I’ve experienced a connection with someone so strong that no matter what they did to me, I would always go back to them.

Why does this happen? Because sex unites us. It binds us together with the other person, in a way that we are not supposed to experience outside of marriage. Why marriage? Because it is supposed to be a safe place. A place that we shouldn’t have to worry about our heart being broken or abused. But when we lose that objectivity, we don’t always make the right decision about who we marry. Imagine how many less divorces we would have if that bond between your first partner was created in marriage? Or if we chose our husbands based on their character as opposed to our sexual connection? Believe me, I know how old fashioned this sounds, however, looking back over the mistakes I’ve made, my biggest regret is having sex outside of marriage. I can see the damage it caused me. It was like giving away a piece of myself and my heart. I gave up so much of my life to be with someone who didn’t deserve me.

For many, you have already experienced this type of pain…you made choices that you regret too. But I believe you can begin again. You can start over. You don’t have to give away any more of yourself until it is the person God has chosen to be your spouse. I also believe that by making this sacrifice, that you will choose the right person. You will know their character and who they really are.

This is not a message about making you feel guilty. Not at all. It is my hope that you will learn from my own mistakes. God can help mend the hurts that have already been given, but He doesn’t want you to hurt yourself anymore.

So I urge you, to look back on your life and ask yourself, what your previous relationships were built upon. Did you stay longer than you would have because of the bond that you created? Did you really see who the person was, or did you lose your objectivity? Did you make choices or sacrifices for the relationship you never would have had you not created such a bond with them? Do you see a trail of regret and heartache?

If so, maybe it’s time to try something new?