Light

After I left my husband, I moved back to my home town. I will never forget how scared I was to go back. I was afraid to see people after all I had done to myself and my family.

I was filled with shame.

I never talked to anyone during the time of my abuse. Even my family didn’t know everything that had happened. I kept everything hidden deep inside, things that happened to me; things I had done. I was so afraid of what people would think, how they would respond knowing what I knew. I hid, paralyzed with fear.

Ironically, the anecdote to my shame was in facing my fears and returning to be with those who loved me. Where I feared rejection, I was welcomed with open arms. My family forgave me. I was overwhelmed by the love I felt from those who cared about me. I understand now the story of the prodigal son.

In time, I went to a counselor and I was able to share with them all of the things that happened to me. I let go of my secrets. Things that I thought were so egregious, so unforgivable were brought out into the light. Ironically, once I did this, everything I thought to be so shameful became less powerful just by speaking them out loud. It was the catalyst to me gaining understanding and processing what had happened to me in a much more healthy way.

I’ve come to realize that when we keep secrets hidden deep inside of us, they only bring us shame and fear. They become magnified, and our perception becomes distorted. We begin to believe the lies, that we are unworthy, unforgivable, unlovable. God doesn’t want us to live hidden in fear and shame; living in darkness. He wants us to bring our hurt, our fears, our shame out into the light so He can heal us.

God calls himself light.

I am the light of the world – 1 John 8:12

The Lord is my light – Psalm 27:1

God’s word is a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.  John 3:21 

Light penetrates the darkness. It reveals, provides understanding and frees us from our pain.

If you’ve never shared your story out of fear or shame, then my prayer is that you would find the courage to bring the hurt, the shame and the pain out in the open so that God can begin to shed His light into your story.