Anger

During my abuse, I was really good at stuffing my emotions inside. Layer after layer of pain, resentment and fear all kept piling up and piling up inside of me. I couldn’t express my emotions. They just stayed there, locked away.

But what I wasn’t aware of was that as each day passed, and as each emotion was stuffed away, I slowly began to lose my voice. To lose myself – who I really was. As a result, once I left, it was like a damn broke inside of me. I was so full of hurt that it could finally be released, and what I found was that it often came out in anger.

I had this overwhelming feeling that I was never going to let anyone take advantage of me again, to hurt me. It was like I could’t take one more infraction against me.

I remember my sister and I went shopping one day, very shortly after I made the decision to leave. Someone cut in line in front of me at the store – and I wasn’t going to have any of it. I couldn’t take any more disrespect and I wasn’t going to let her or anyone get away with it. Well, to make a long story short, my sister practically dragged me out of the store to get me away from the situation. It wasn’t one of my finer moments, but it was where I was at.

Pain left unchecked turns into anger. And anger if left to fester will make you a very bitter and unhappy person. Little by little it will eat away at you until you start dealing with the emotions and the pain behind the anger.

You’re going to have to learn how to stand up for yourself in a healthy way; in a way that respects yourself and others. At first, this will be difficult. It will be uncomfortable, as you won’t be used to acknowledging your needs and verbalizing them. It won’t always be pretty, sometimes you’ll overreact to situations and sometimes you’ll revert back to your quiet ways. But eventually, one small step at a time, you’ll be able to find your voice again, find a healthy way to communicate and deal with disrespect or pain.

But this I can promise you. It will get easier.

And each time you respect yourself and draw a boundary, it will reinforce your value, it will help strengthen your self-esteem, and it will help bring back your  voice.

Eventually, the pendulum will stop swinging. You won’t be so angry because you trust yourself to take care of yourself now, you’ll start to forgive and let go, your voice will return and eventually you’ll find that the anger is gone too.

So I encourage you to start small. When you feel your anger rise, ask yourself:

How can I take care of myself in this situation?

It won’t be easy. You’re probably used to putting the needs of others in front of your own (and paying a very high price for it). But now is the time to learn how to take care of yourself. So I encourage you to answer this question, then take a leap of faith and respond.