At the age of 21, against my parent’s blessing, I married a man who I thought loved me more than any man I had ever met. He was charming, good looking and wanted to protect and take care of me. I knew that my parents didn’t approve, but I thought it was because they just didn’t know him like I did. If they knew him the way I did, they would think differently, it would just take some time.
I had gone through heartache before, and I didn’t want to go through it anymore. I thought when he wanted to marry me that I would never have to worry about my heart being broken again. That I had finally found someone who would love me forever.
Little did I know that within hours of saying “I do” I would come to know who he really was. The man behind the mask. And I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
Because of my values, I believed that marriage was forever, no matter what. You stick it out, and you make it work. I didn’t think I had a choice. His abuse began immediately. He needed to know where I was at all times, who I was with and exactly what we talked about. He began to isolate me from my friends and family.
Within a short period of time, I went from being an outgoing, friendly and happy person into a woman I didn’t even recognize. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. I was physically living, but the person I truly was, was dead. It was about survival.
After about 3 years of marriage, I left my husband. And when I left, I thought that my struggle was over. But I will tell you, that the years following my separation and the fight for overcoming the abuse proved to be just as difficult. I don’t say this to scare you, I say this to be honest with you. You will have to fight, you will have to lean on God and it will not be easy. It may even look at times like it will be easier to go back and return to your “normal” way of life. But I can assure you that if you are willing to go through the healing process, if you are willing to endure the struggle of change and the pain of understanding then I can tell you without any hesitation that it will all be worth it.
Today, I am happily married to an incredible, kind and loving man. We have a peaceful home. We treat each other with respect and appreciation. I often sit on my porch thanking God for where he brought me from, and am amazed at where I am today. There is a different life waiting for you.
God can heal you. God can restore your life. He can, and He will. You can be yourself again. You can be happy again and you can have an extraordinary life!
Out of the Grave 