Out of the Grave

What Are The Signs?

People often wonder, how can you allow someone to treat you that way? How can you stay in an abusive relationship?

Well the truth is, unless you’ve been through it, you can’t understand. Abusers are charming, they instantly fall in love with you, and treat you like you are the most important thing that’s ever happened to them. They appear to care about you and want the best for you, and all of these traits appeal to the insecurity hidden deep inside of us. They make you feel like you are worthy, you are wanted, and you are finally loved.

But that charm quickly fades, and the truth eventually comes to light. It is easy to disguise control as caring too much, or wanting the best for us, so it’s important to review this checklist of signs of abuse and ask yourself if you can relate to any of them.

Signs that you’re in an abusive relationship

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Do you:

  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Does your partner:

  • humiliate or yell at you?
  • criticize you and put you down?
  • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • blame you for their own abusive behavior?
  • see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Does your partner:

  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • threaten to take your children away or harm them?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:

  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go or what you do?
  • keep you from seeing your friends or family?
  • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
  • constantly check up on you?

Were you surprised at how many statements you could say “yes” to? It’s eye-opening when you read this list for the first time. Deep down inside, I’m sure you’ve questioned his behavior, knowing that it wasn’t right. But it’s easy to dismiss and look away, endure, and honor your commitment to the relationship.

But what if I told you that this is not the way God intended you to be treated? What if, for the first time you gave yourself permission to say this isn’t right, and that you don’t deserve to be treated this way?

Still not convinced? Take a look at the Duluth model of controlling behavior here. http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf

 

*Questions taken from helpguide.org.

Comments

Leave a comment